Canada’s Debate

My grandmother passed away tonight.

She had been suffering from Dementia with Lewy bodies for some time, although it was not diagnosed until the fall of 2005. In fact, until the spring of that year her only symptom was a loss of balance which we ascribed to her recurrent vertigo. By the summer of 2005 her short term memory had completely evaporated, she was prone to sudden (and ocassionally violent) mood swings, was increasingly disoriented (tried to feed her dog a bagel with cream cheese), and suffered some hallucinations. Throughout it all she remained in essence herself… and it stayed that way until last winter when she “succumbed” to the progressive effects of the disease and the lights went out, even while the house still stood.

In reality we have been mourning her since that time, and it has been hard, for my aunt in particular. I remember her not through a series of events or images, but rather as a personality. I knew her, and that knowledge hasn’t changed since my childhood. Even now she looms large in our lives, not as a great mover or doer of deeds, but as a personality that was so strong that she became a part of those who loved her (and sometimes for those that didn’t.) I miss her, but I’m not mourning anymore. I’ve said my goodbyes to her, and I’ve got plenty of her spirit to hold on to between the amazing woman that I knew… and the bottle of Cherry Herring sitting on our liquor cabinet.

Goodbye Buby. I’ll miss your smile, even if I didn’t see it that often.